Cozy Boots

via Daily Prompt: Cozy

The other day, I bought myself new boots to keep on the front porch. My old fake Uggs that I kept on the front porch were worn beyond wearing. Every time I went out in the snow or the rain, my feet got to experience the wet ground as much as if I were barefoot.

The boots I keep on the front porch are the boots I put on in a rush. I don’t usually wear shoes in the house, but not because I have a policy about not wearing shoes in the house, or anything. I just don’t feel like exerting the effort to put shoes on when I’m inside. So, when I have to go somewhere in the winter or fall, I head out to the porch, jump into my boots, and leave through the front door. (I also leave flip-flops out there for warm weather.)

It is important that my porch boots don’t have to be tied, buckled, or fastened. They must be pull-ons, or jump-ins.

My new boots are fake suede ankle boots, and they’re lined in faux fur. They are so warm and comfortable that, when I’m wearing them, I actually stop and think, “These boots make my feet feel wonderful.” I’ve never done that before. Usually, I put my shoes on and forget about them. If I do think about them, then they’re probably hurting my feet.

It’s a good thing that I don’t have a no-shoes policy in my house because I no longer leave my boots on the front porch when I come in. I wear them all day and put them back on the porch right before I go to bed.

They’re that cozy.

 

Confession Might Be Good for the Soul But Not Always for the Listener

via Daily Prompt: Confess

I recently read an article, Skincare for Boobs, and it mentioned ingrown hairs on nipples. So far, I haven’t had this happen, but I must confess that I’m no stranger to having an ingrown hair in an embarrassing place.

Many years ago, I developed an ingrown hair from shaving my bikini line. The offending hair was between the top of my right leg and my groin area. The skin around it swelled to the size of a large orange. It was so big that it impeded my ability to walk.

Naturally, I told all of my friends and work colleagues about my testicle-shaped growth. And, just as naturally, everyone had a solution. Most of the solutions were the same because most people aren’t very original and, in fairness, nobody had ever experienced this phenomenon. The two solutions were to press on it and make it pop, or put hot compresses on it to make it pop.

I tried both options and nothing worked. The next day, I was in TJ Maxx, in a sun dress, and I felt liquid gushing down my leg. I must have exclaimed, because everyone around me started staring at my leg and recoiling. For all the world, it looked like I wet myself.

I dumped my not-yet-paid-for purchases and beat it out of there. By the time I got home, the giant lump was gone and my dress was soaked.

Thank God this happened before iPhones were invented.

You’re As Old As You Are

Age

It’s said that old age is not for the faint of heart. It’s not easy getting old and, especially, being old.

My mother tells me that she hates being old every time I talk to her. She said she envies those who didn’t have to endure old age.

I know other old people, however, and they’re happy and grateful for every day, even though they have health problems and their friends and relatives are dying.

I remember being 21 and having a boyfriend who was 29. When I asked him his age, he said, “I’m as old as time.” Next year, I’ll be double the age he was when he said that. I wonder how he’d categorize being 58. He’d probably say that I was “old as dirt.”

I work in an office where everyone is in their 20s or early 30s. The CEO is the only person who has hit the 40 mark. To everyone there, I am a relic … but a well-shod relic. I do like shoes.

It’s also said that age is just a number and you’re as young as you feel. Age may just be a number, but let’s not fool ourselves. You’re as old as you are. How you act at that age is up to you.

I heard a funny line the other day, “How can I act my age? I’ve never been this age before.”